I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
