did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
