she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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