i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
