Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
