Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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