8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
