ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
