I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
