I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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