i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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