Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
