that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
