the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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