I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Boobs speak an international language.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
