There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you win again, gameday.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
