I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
