I accidentally burped into my bong.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
