So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
