i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
