Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
