I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
