Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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