cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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