I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
