Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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