I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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