I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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