does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
