i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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