dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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