That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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