her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
