I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
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I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
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Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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