i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
