One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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