Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
