I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
