And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
There's always time for handjobs
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
