I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i already hear my dad disowning me
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You are the jesus of drinking
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
