And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
