Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
