it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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