it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
