dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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