i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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