I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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