somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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