She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
