Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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