dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Randomize
