Just cropdusted the office
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
