he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
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He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
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like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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