Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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