How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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