He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
