Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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