She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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