3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Randomize
