Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
