Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
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I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
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Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
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