I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
