He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
